The Freedom of Not Knowing

Why did the grass smell so much fresher, and the dirt so much more loamy when we were children? Was it that we were closer to the ground? You could feel the heat coming up off the sidewalk in dry waves, and really study the hummingbird as it floated in the air in front of you. I want that back.

I went to see Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyal at the New York Shambhala Center this weekend, and she talked about how she doesn’t want to be a knower; she just wants to chill in the uncertainty, hanging back, as much as she can, from right or wrong, good or bad, like or dislike, the blue one or the red one, meat or vegetables, chocolate or vanilla. If you relax and don’t decide, the world opens up.

I think these two things are related, the sensuality our immediate experience, and not knowing. But I don’t know. Or at least I’m going to try not to know.


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